The best mistake in my Life
by XLilyChanX
Summary: AU - modern College settings. The reader and Kanda has a typical relationship, but it's always hurtful to break up.
1. Chapter I

This story is dedicated to a precious friend of mine, **DreamingDancer** on Quizilla. She won this mini-series in a contest I hosted.

* * *

"Che! Pathetic woman" the stoic male snapped turning sharply on his heels, stomping out of the classroom.

"You're more pathetic than I am, Yu!" [**Name**] yelled after the blunette before spinning around stomping down the other end of the hallway of the Black Order Academy. Everyone on that forsaken college knew of the two's relationship. Break up, get together, break up and get back together again. Kanda stopped his tracks and spun on his heels, glaring daggers at the [**h/c**] haired girl. It was unbelievable how she time after time was able to stay alive.

"There's nothing more annoying at this place than you!" Kanda snapped narrowing his eyes at her.

"Just because you won't face the truth you moron!" [**Name**] yelled back at him, her fists tied into balls. If he had been much closer she would have smacked him across the face so hard. Arguing with that jerk was impossible. He would never give in for her opinions, so why bother keeping it up? That's right; this time it was definitely over. **OVER**. They were so much through – time to move on. The frown on her features continued growing. If she was to be upset or happy she didn't know, but it didn't matter right now. Dashing about she stomped down the busy corridors towards a much more peaceful destination; the Academy's library.

[**Kanda's POV**]

That woman was getting on his nerves so bad. Never once had he known a person who was able to piss him off so much! It was unbelievable how she time after time was able to make him so angry.

"Che!" spinning around he stuck his hands deep into his pockets, ignoring the many weird and wondering looks from other students with master skills.

"K-Kanda what's going on now? Why's [**Name**] looking so upset?" the silver haired student, so-called friend asked baffled. If he thought he was going to get an answer – think twice!

"Nani Yu~ You can't deny the fact [**Name**]-chan is looking so _kawaii_ when she's like that" a certain red-head butted in. He glared heatedly at the tall male now on his one side.

"If you like, then YOU date the bloody woman!" he barked, pushing the red-head out of the way. **_So many assholes at this fucking place!_**


	2. Chapter II

Silence, peace; all were synonyms for the atmosphere that was to be found at the Academy's library. But best of all; no Kanda! That was a huge relief. Just thinking about having to spend the rest of the day in this hell hole with him made her blood boil with anger. At least she could stay here and make some of her forgotten homework for next class.

"[**Name**]-chan?" the voice of her friend sounded. Inhaling a small, deep breath [**Name**] looked over her shoulder, being face to face with her green haired friend.

"Lenalee"

"What happened with you and Kanda back there*?" she asked taking a seat next to the [**h/c**]-nette.

_Exhale_

"He just made it clear we aren't meant to be. Destiny wants us separated and I'm not having more of his odd and rude behaviour" [**Name**] stated glancing back at the book in front of her on the desk. In fact she was kind of hurt by her own words. She loved Kanda for long time, and continuously believed in him and they were something. He had accepted her back then in junior high, but now; he was all different.

"I understand. But… he's always been like that [**Name**]-chan, I thought you knew that" Lenalee tried with a pitiful comfort.

"Look, if you like him so much, then **_you_** date him!" she snarled slamming the book shut before tossing it in her schoolbag, heading towards chemistry class.

**[Kanda's POV]**

Finally, a class he did not have to have with _her_. Kanda felt pleased that he would be alone for a change. Now the next annoying thing was all the people who were glancing holes in him, dying to know just a thing or two. Having sports on his schedule was a good advantage of being alone; if you weren't to be put on a team that is. Apparently they were running laps today. Kanda was good at running, and a fast one, too. The coach was really annoyed he continuously turned down his offer to join the Academy's Athletes. It was none of his interest. In fact, no one actually knew of his interests besides reading and doing sports.

Like an expert he would avoid any kind of contact with any other student. He didn't need anyone; absolutely no one. No friends, family, no girlfriend. He never wanted one - she kind of just came dumping all by herself. Yes, she was a nag. Always wanting to be with him, talk and whatnot. He merely rolled his eyes as he ran past other students who had been ahead of him.

"Way to go Kanda!" coach Reever rooted for him.

_A smirk_

He was a winner, and he needed no one to stand in his way of freedom. No one.


	3. Chapter III

She had to admit; avoiding someone who was in her class made things a lot harder than she had expected. Well not like she needed to talk to him, but still! Everyone was talking about it, and her girl-friends were prodding her about it. _Why did you and Kanda break up? You were perfect together! _Yes, [**Name**] started to hate her friends. It wasn't all impossible to find another subject, but somehow the subject would always change back when the blunette male entered the room. Said [**h/c**] haired girl rested her head in the palm of her hand as she listened to the teacher's talking about the upcoming exams. No doubt these exams were going to be a lot more difficult than the ones they had in high school. Though she minded her own business she could feel people sending her glances. Their gaze' felt like burning under her skin. Couldn't they just accept the fact they were through and she, for a fact was moving on? What made it so hard to understand?

"For the upcoming project I have put you in groups of two and two, there will be _no_ chance to swap partner for this" the teacher said with a stern voice, that made it run cold down [**Name**]'s spine. _Not Kanda, don't let it be Kanda!_

"Allen Walker and Kanda Yu!" a wave of relief rushed over her. "Miranda Lotto and [**Name**] [**Surname**]" well, that wasn't the worst. Looking across the room, she sent the black haired female a smile and nod in approval. She didn't mind Miranda.

"You may begin!" students started to shuffle about as the teacher gave them orders to start and get in pairs.

"I'm glad I got you, Miranda" the girl said, taking a seat next to the quiet girl.

**[Kanda's POV]**

It was impossible to hide the massive irk-mark that was imprinted on the side of his head. Allen, that little midget was more annoying than what good was! And thinking about being in his group during the project didn't make things a tiny bit better.

"Well, now that we have to, we better get started" the silver haired male suggested, dropping his belongings on the desk next to Kanda's. All the blunette responded with was a grumpy _hmpf_. Just as expected.

"Huh? What's the matter now? I'm actually being positive and all you do is just to sit there and look like everything's my fault!" Allen spat out, pointing accusing to the stoic male.

"Shut up _midget!_"

"No you shut up! You're always grumpy but lately it's gotten even worse! If you feel so bad for breaking up with [**Name**]-chan then do something about it!" said the silver haired boy.

"I said SHUT UP!" Kanda barked, attracting himself some serious attention from the other students around them.

"I got it now… you're too _scared_ to tell her you _love her_" Allen pointed out with a dark grin. That did the trick. Before anyone managed to get a word spoken to stop the two boys form fighting, the table they sat by was flipped over; books and tools scattered on the floor.


	4. Chapter IV

She didn't know what to feel; to think, to act. All this just kind of took her aback. It was nothing she had imagined could ever happen. It was all some surrealistic happening. None of this was actually happening. No, she was sleeping and this was a dream going out of control. It had to be; she wanted it to be. She would wake up in a few by her older sister waking her up, telling her breakfast was ready; then make a comment she looked like a mess before she left the room. This was going to end up really bad - she had a strong feeling of it.

"[**N-Name**]-chan!" Miranda Lotto exclaimed, holding onto her arm. It was a fact the short haired young adult was easy to scare. Say 'boo' and you'd scare her to death (more or less). The [**h/c**] haired girl had no idea what to say or do. She felt powerless. She considered Allen as a friend – always had. He'd always been kind to her and such.

"What should we do?" black haired female asked, scared out her wits. [**Name**] had no idea. She had no idea if she should interfere or not. It wasn't her fight, but curiosity was getting the best of her.

"I.. I don't-" she wasn't able to say a word more before the teacher burst in, pulling the two guys apart. Even from a distance, [**e/c**] coloured orbs were able to see the gash on Allen's eyebrow; a thin line of crimson liquid ticked down his face. How much she didn't want to she couldn't help but shoot her ex boyfriend a glance; smeared blood was visible on his cheek and chin. How much she wanted to deny it, her heart pounded with agony; seeing him like this.

**[Kanda's POV]**

The stoic blunette scowled at the nurse as she told him to sit still while she fixed him up. This was below his pride. Crossing his arms stubbornly over his chest he shut his eyes, a sour/pissed expression lingering on his handsome features.

"This'll be a warning. Principal Komui won't take it as easy next time" t he nurse stated, narrowing her eyes at the two males before she left to inform their teacher about their condition. Kanda growled under his breath. This was humiliating somehow. Being caught and reported for fighting, losing his temper. Not like he was known for being a calm and collected person in the first place, but was never good for someone's reputation to be caught in a fight.

"So how are you feeling?" the voice belonged to the Academy's principal Komui.

"Che" Kanda refused to answer to his question, turning his head stubbornly in another direction.

"You know Kanda. I understand you're pressured at the time, but it is still not acceptable to fight on the school's ground. Think about [**Name**]-san, she was pretty upset with the who-"

"Who cares what she thinks!" Kanda snapped, standing up from the chair he sat on. Smoothing his long mid-night blue hair out he fixed it into the usual ponytail he used to have. Why would it matter what _she_ thought? So what if she was upset? Was that all of a sudden his problem? NO! N.O., no! It wasn't! He hadn't seen her since they broke up and he didn't regret it, nor missed her whatsoever.

"I see. Let me then ask you something; why did you date her if you never liked her in the first place?" Komui questioned with slight furrowed brows. Growling threatening at him Kanda stomped out of the infirmary. School was already over. He glanced out the large window in the school yard, glaring at nothing in particular. Stupid principal, it would be none of his business. **_I have no answer to that, and I don't want to either._**


	5. Chapter V

"[**Name**]-chan?" Miranda asked, waving her hand back and forth her friend's face. She was spacing out again; majorly.

"Huh? Sorry Miranda, I was somewhere else I guess" [**Name**] scratched the back of her neck a bit with that answer. It sounded stupid and meaningless. She didn't know what had gotten into her. She was never spacing out just like that; and especially not in public. No, that would more likely be something she did at home during homework or chatting online on yahoo.

"Something the matter? You know you can talk to me! Always! I will always listen to you [**Name**]-chan! I owe you that! You're always so kind to me!" the short blacknette stated, putting a hand on her heart. True that. Miranda was one of the few people on this school [**Name**] was able to have a decent conversation with. She wasn't nagging her about anything. No. She was a sane person.

"I'm just tried I think" the [**e/c**] eyed girl said giving her friend an apologetic smile.

"I know what can cheer you up! Let's grab a milkshake on the way home!" Miranda forced a smile. It was hard for her to smile around people who didn't. Such a sweetheart she was. [**Name**] knew Miranda Lotto never would turn her down.

"That sounds good" she agreed with a small smile lingering upon her lips.

**[Kanda's POV]**

From the place he was standing, Kanda had full view over the school's ground. For odd reason, [**h/c**] hair caught his attention. Narrowing his eyes he shook his head, tearing his eyes away. But his gaze continued to fall on the [**h/c**] haired girl ahead of him. She was once what he could call _his_. But he never did. He never actually said she was _his_ property. **_Che_**. She was always the one going all mushy and clingy, girly if you like. Kanda would always get along with her hugs and kisses; never start them himself. The biggest secret behind all this was; Kanda Yu was shy. He would NEVER admit it, his stubborn self was against that. He wouldn't just hold her, kiss her, tell her he loved her.

_Why did you date her if you never liked her in the first place?_

Kanda shook his head with a grunt as he started to walk home. Damn that Principal Komui. Now he was doing his head in, too. Bastard! Couldn't he just have let him alone? Did he really have to prod about his **_personal_** feelings? The blunette lingered by that thought for some time. He didn't know. He had been attracted to her somehow in the beginning, but when she started the relationship thing – things just clicked for him. He was _scared_. Oddly scared. Scared of being hurt by someone who could get close to him. Somewhere deep inside his cold heart and soul told him he could trust her, but the other side told him not to. He was split in two. Full of doubts. Inside his frozen heart he kind of wished he could tell her that, tell her how hurt he was inside. But he couldn't. He could not tell her that bluntly.

He heard laugher from people around him as he walked, jerking his head in a random direction he was face to the back of the girl he had had a relationship with not long time ago. She was laughing, smiling. Everything he loved to see, to hear.


	6. Chapter VI

_There will always be a time…_

"So, how long are you going to just sit here and do nothing?" [**Name**]'s older sister quizzed from her as she stood in the doorway to her room.

"Well it is my room so isn't it obvious?" [**Name**] threw back, flicking her gaze to her older sister who merely sighed.

"You're really miserable you know that?". No, she didn't know, but now she did. Usually [**Name**] and her sister would get along, but there was times where it was simply impossible. Like when she stuck her nose in things she shouldn't. If there was something [**Name**] liked, then it was her privacy. She hadn't changed. Why would she? It was just a break up. It wasn't something bad. And it was certainly not like she was missing him. No; that fact was denial. He did not care for her whatsoever. She could always find someone better; always. There was a ton of guys in the world. Someone better, someone… someone… not Kanda.

Without getting a respond, the sister trotted off again, rolling her eyes at her younger sister's behaviour. Denial or not, [**Name**] had changed since the break up with Yu Kanda. No, she was just being herself. But somewhere deep inside she felt hurt, torn up due to the rough break up. She had loved that bastard with all her heart, she _would_ be there for him _always_. It shouldn't be so hard for him to understand. He held the key to her heart. Though he always held this cold attitude, she couldn't help but giggle and laugh with it when he lost it.

Thinking back on the happy memories the two of them had shared. Silent or active, brought a smile to her lips, and yet at the same time made her heart arch in pain. The [**h/c**]-nette had heartache. Just thinking about him made a pain shot through her chest and a tear dripped from her eye.

**[Kanda's POV]**

The stoic athlete had put his iPod on shuffle as he ran through the forest. He needed to stay fit, and nothing held him from taking a run. It felt stress-revealing; being away from the wild city-life, loud noises and other people – completely at peace. The muscles in his body flexed when he jumped over a broken branch, not caring to run around it. Sweat dripped from his temples. Nothing was able to disturb him out there. No one.

The leaves underneath his feet rustled with each step he took. The only thing he heard was the music pumping in his ears. The tunes however disappeared when the iPod ran out of battery. Groaning annoyed, Kanda slowed down, leaning against a big tree, catching his breath. No more battery – how wonderful! All he heard before the sound ebbed out was the tunes of a musician singing _"You had me, you lost me"_ how annoying. And why had he even saved that song anyway? He never had anything… nothing… beside _her._ Deep in his thoughts he slid down the tree, his butt colliding with the ground underneath. The sweet sound of her laugher started to hunt him. She would always be around him, so who could blame him for seeing things, shadows that wasn't there?

Closing his eyes he sucked in a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. The things he told her _that day_, they hadn't been true at all. All said in sheer anger. He was happy inside with her by his side, but too stubborn to acknowledge her like he should. Claim her like he should, kiss her, hold her, told her he loved her with all his heart. He should have told her. A strange feeling built in his chest. His long slender fingers brushed the sweaty bangs out of his face. What now.

_Where you need to shed a tear_


	7. Chapter VII

_Down the rabbit hole_

Dressed in a mouse-grey, waist-long coat, said [**h/c**] haired girl strolled down the streets, her hands stuffed in her pockets. King Winter was finally starting to show his face and the first snow was slowly falling from the grey sky. She liked the winter. It was always so beautiful, so peaceful, so mysterious. She remembered as child how her father would lit the fire in the fireplace and her mother would bring her little family warm tea and chocolate as they sat before the sparkling fire, altogether.

Soon enough, she found herself stroll through the city's park. The large fountain was beautiful as ever. Due to the season there was only a little water left before it eventually would freeze to ice. She liked the winter. Stopping by a bench, she sat down in the opposite site of an old lady, who merely smiled at her before continuing feeding the winter-birds. [**Name**] smiled faintly at the sight. Leaning back she let her eyes scan over the place. Couples holding hands, smiling so tenderly and warm to each other. She forced a small smile.

**[Kanda's POV]**

He stuck his hands deeper into his pockets as he walked down the snowy streets. The winter didn't annoy him at all. In fact he liked the cold weather. Yes, Kanda was tough when it came to that. Turning around the next corner he entered the city park, but took a halt when his dark orbs landed on a certain someone not far away from him. He could just walk by, pretend like nothing, but he felt a twinge inside his heart. She didn't seem to have noticed him and somehow he was thankful for that. He wouldn't admit it out loud, but seeing the eternal smile on her yet so pretty face, be gone gave him an odd feeling.

"Kanda" even from the distance he could still hear her clearly, and he caught himself in staring. **_Che. _**How embarrassing. He closed his eyes and turned one hundred and eighty degrees, walking off the spot. They were through so there was no reason to keep lingering.

"Kanda… wait" he heard her call after him. He would pretend like he didn't hear her, but when he felt a hand grasp his jacket he stopped. He sighed, but didn't look at her. What should he say to her? Why was she even talking to him? Nothing in his head made sense.

"What do you want?" he asked dryly, refusing to turn around.

"I…I… I… miss you" her voice was trembling, he could tell. Kanda exhaled. He was no good when it came to expressing feelings, nor to respond to them. Jerking his head over his shoulder, he looked down at the small, young woman behind him. He looked at her deadpanned. He wasn't glaring, nor smiling. He observed her face, her eyes. The [**e/c**] optics that usually held so much happiness within them, now filled with tears. Rare had it happened he had seen her cry. It somehow hurt to see that; he was still a human nonetheless.

"I…" he huffed and averted his gaze from her, shutting his eyes closed stubbornly.

"I'm sorry" he was taken aback. Her lithe figure pressed against him ever so lightly. Could he just put his arms around her and hug her?

"It's nothing" he murmured back, cracking his eyes open just a little. He couldn't tell her he needed her. He couldn't tell her how much his heart was arching, how hurt he was inside. He was filled with frustration, but he couldn't get himself to let it out.

"Can I… see you tomorrow. I want to talk to you" he managed to bring out. [**Name**] looked up at him slight confused.

"You can just-"

"Not here" the blunette interrupted. "Don't be late" he pointed out as he turned about and walked off. No, he couldn't tell her here, not now. It wasn't the right time.

"Okay" was all he heard before he exited the place.

_And back again_


	8. Chapter VIII Final

_Time to rejoice_

**[Kanda's POV]**

He ran his long slender yet manly fingers through his damped, blue hair. It was only a little past 10am in the morning. He had no idea what had gotten into him. His thoughts were on the happening from yesterday, he told her to come over. He actually told her to come over because **he** wanted to talk to her. It was insane. But he could hardly stop himself when he first told her that, a small bundle of happiness was growing inside his stomach. He picked a towel and dried himself before getting dressed. Yes, she would come eventually after her lecture was over. Kanda's had been cancelled in the early morning, and he however did not complain about this. He could use a day off even though it was only Tuesday. His optics scanned the apartment he owned. It was tidy and spacey as usual.

Entering the small office behind the living room, Kanda dropped down in his chair before the computer. He had essays to do, but he couldn't bring himself to work on it. No, his mind was clouded with one thing, the upcoming meeting with [**Name**]. He had no idea what he was doing. They were through after all, but a big part of him really needed her. Not to say something, but just to be there. She could be silent while he worked, while he meditated. She respected his limits and needs. Gazing out of the window he let himself get deeply lost in his thoughts for once. The only sound filling the room was the tunes of the radio playing in the living room. The certain song gave him the chills, but calmed him at the same time.

His eyes followed the snowflakes outside the window, falling to the white-covered ground. Watching people walk by down the street he felt bored somehow. Wasn't she done with the lecture already? He knew that professor's lectures weren't always long, so she would probably be there any minute by now.

A knock on the front door made him snap out of his thoughts. He should have seen her coming, so why hadn't he? Now the doorbell rang and he exhaled deeply and stood.

"Hi" he was greeted by no one else but the woman who had filled his thoughts for the last hour or so. She was standing with her hands folded in front of her; a small, sweet smile graced her lips. He blinked and stepped aside, allowing her inside.

"So, how are you?" [**Name**] asked, sipping from the tea he had offered her. She blew on the hot liquid, her hands cupping the sides of the mug.

"Fine" Kanda said grumpily and nodded. All of a sudden he regretted inviting her over. He was suddenly unsure of himself and his actions. He could care less what she was going to do with her life, but he felt a knife stab his heart every time he got that thought. It was irking him, pestering him.

"So… what did you… want to talk about?" she asked softly, putting the mug on the pure white salon table in front of her, before leaning back against the comfy couch. Kanda sighed to himself and looked at his own mug. Did she really have to be so forward? It made him feel unsure of what he actually wanted to tell. But he should have guessed.

"Well" he started. How was he going to put it without making it sounds stupid? Discretely he glanced at the [**e/c**] eyed girl who patiently sat in the couch, waiting. How should he tell her his hearts inner desires? How should he be telling her all that?

"I missed you" he said in such low voice it sounded more of a whisper than a mumble. Kanda Yu wasn't soft and mushy and the thought alone gave him the creeps. Romance was _not_ his thing.

"I'm sorry?" Kanda's face flushed a brighter shade of red, his long bangs covering his face when he looked down and away. How embarrassing. He glared down at his cup, thinking.

"I acknowledge you alright!" he spat out feeling like some stupid…something.

"I know that you do" [**Name**] said confused. Kanda mentally smacked his forehead. This was not going as he had planned.

"That's not what I meant dammit! What I'm trying to say is…" his throat tied. Frustration reached the main point by now. He glanced at the girl from the corner of his eye, seeing a confused look on her face. But no matter how he tried, he couldn't bring himself to say it. Putting his empty mug on the table in front of him he stood up; a stern look was readable on his face as he walked towards the other couch. To outsiders, his act might have seemed threatening. His dark orbs stared down at the small woman. Swallowing a lump down his throat he leaned down, pressing his cool lips firmly on top of her soft ones. They were just like he remembered.

When she didn't fight back, he put one of his hands behind her neck, tipping her head back, if only just a little. A strange feeling gushed over him and it felt like his stomach was turning upside down.

"I take you back" he said low-voiced after breaking for air. He couldn't bring himself to look at her. This was all meant to be a big mistake. But maybe it would be a good mistake to make. If he didn't tell her now, he might regret it later in life.

"I still… Love you, too, Kanda" she brought his face to look at her with a tender smile.

_And turn hugs to kisses_


End file.
